Video games are known for some ridiculous plots, impossible body proportions and some of the most absurd weapons. Here is a list of our top five favorite worst weapons in video games.

5) The Lancer-Gears of War

The Lancer is the result of a drunken hook-up between a machine gun and a chainsaw. Besides the obvious dangers of having a chainsaw at the end of an assault rifle, such as the kick-back causing you to lose your balance and cut off your own head, the Lancer seems way too heavy to use as a chainsaw and not balanced enough to use as a gun. Either way, the thing is ridiculous and not likely to help out in a gun-fighting or lumberjack situation.

The Lancer from Gears of War. Courtesy of Game Trailers.

4) The Klobb-Goldeneye 007

The Klobb looked like some heavy-duty artillery, something needed when you’re fighting those damn Commies. Much like the USSR, the Klobb doesn’t shoot too far. The bullets always seem to miss, regardless of how well you aim, and when you do manage to actually hit Comrade Plokho Pistolet, the damage is astoundingly minimal. As one entry from Urban Dictionary describes the Klobb, “A Soviet gun specifically designed to miss its target.”

The Klobb (you can guess which one) is not the most effective weapon in Goldeneye 007. Courtesy of tvtropes.org.

3) Dolls-Final Fantasy X

The Final Fantasy series is known to be a bit outrageous across the board, but one character, Lulu, takes the why-would-you-use-that cake. She possess ability to use dark magic, but uses that magic to make dolls walk up to bad guys and explode. It’d be cool if the dolls did some significant damage, but they don’t. After she figures out how to inflict significant damage, maybe someone can tell her belts are meant to be worn one at a time.

Lulu, from Final Fantasy X, uses enchanted dolls as “weapons.” Courtesy of Final Fantasy Wiki.

2) The Penetrator-Saints Row: The Third

While this -ahem- weapon does inflict quite a bit of damage, it is a rubber, phallic shaped weapon at that. And while anyone who has ever come in contact with a dick has experienced some damage, it’s still 100% ridiculous, even if the metaphor is there.

The Penetrator is a tool of mass destruction. It’s also a weapon in Saints Row: The Third. Courtesy of SaintsRow Wiki.

1) The Stick-Fable

It’s a stick. Not much we can say here. You get it before you get a sword, and it can’t be dropped or sold once you get more useful weapons. It’s just a stick.